Elation Stage
What do you think about this love poem I wrote? Titled: Solace?
Solace
I set my heart out on the paper,
digital freedom,
syndicated eulogies stray,
like frost in the meadow,
still it’ll lead me on the trail to you,
physically adept to the situation,
your smile ignites freely,
elation.
I’ll follow the cobblestones,
into the metamorphosis,
I’ll wait for you,
in the rain as the moonlight,
glistens,
do you know me?
Like the back of cardboard boxes,
is my detail still descriptive enough?
Am I still carved like a jack o’ lantern,
or still open freely like talking mouths?
Will you understand the warmth,
you give me?
I’ll set my heart upon the stage,
we’ll spoon together in the afterlife,
in all my reverie,
you are photographs,
sketched elegantly like hands,
calloused, history behind,
the scars,
you are the art work,
of the billions of stars,
up in the starry night.
You are solace.
you need to cut out excess words, keep it tight and descriptive
some parts are very unclear and all over the place, for example
you are photographs,
sketched elegantly like hands,
calloused, history behind,
the scars,
what?
it also seems like you try to use big words, but unless it is the perfect word, you shouldn’t get too fancy. you don’t want to sound stupid
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Elation Professional Design LED Par Zoom Par Can Stage Light $1,111.49 … |
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ELATION 1500W DMX-512 Fog Machine Z-1500II is the results of rigorous research and development being conducted to enhance its machine lifetime, stability and reliability. Because of its compact size and durable appearance, this new fogger provides significant advantages in wider applications where great volumes of fog output is critical.The Z-1500II saves up to 25% of the electricity of its predecessor. This efficient power contro… |
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ELATION Professional Haze Machine FEATURES: – Remote included: HC-1 (timer remote)… |
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ELATION Professional Bubble Machine - 4 “Double Bubble Wheels” – Generates a continuous torrent of bubbles – 3 fans set at the back of the unit spread the bubble far apart – Designed with lighting designers, large clubs, and theatrical production in mind. – DMX op. – Optional timer – Wireless remote control – Remote Included: BCT-1 (Timer Remote)… |